Reminders

This is, in my mind, the biggest danger zone in a transformation. The first few days, I'm always a tornado of activity. I'm writing, I'm journaling, I'm seeking new practices, I'm aware of my thoughts and behavior, I'm still feeling the burn of whatever event led me to the transformation in the first place.

After a week or so - the urgency decreases. The toxicity or self-loathing or worry dissipates. I start to feel like I'm not so bad off after all. I skip a day of writing, or of practice, or I let a little slip in diet, in drinking, in whatever. I shrug it off and hold up my fine progress as obvious evidence that everything's ok.

But this is always, always the beginning of the end. One slip so, so easily leads to another. Then either a positive or negative reaction leading to an assumption that the original goal wasn't so important in the first place. Recalibration inevitably takes place, and always takes place in the downward direction. Want less stress? Lower your standards - right? No.

Not this time. This time, as the danger zone approaches, I redouble my efforts. I look back over my original notes and journal entries. I return to this blog. I focus on my body. I meditate. I keep going to yoga come hell or high water. I look to my list of encouragements and rewards. I try to remember the pain of realization, and recognize that one can only break so many commitments to one's self before trust is fully lost.

I also recognize the deep, dangerous lie in the commonly bandied about phrase, "Everything in moderation, including moderation." While I understand the positive intent behind some utterances of this phrase, I think more often than not it's permission to underachieve.

As I said on Twitter, I cannot think of a single occasion in my life where moderation was the WRONG call. The less hedonistic call? Sure. The call that puts a little distance between me and my wild and crazy friends? Yep. The call that hurts a little in its self denial? Definitely.

But each and every time, I emerge on the other side a little happier, a little more aware of myself, a little calmer, a little healthier. And that's so, so worth it to me.

Posterous theme by Cory Watilo